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The Paradox of Change - There has to be an I before We!
Welcome to The Paradox of Change, where three experienced therapists guide you through the essential truth:
I B4We - You have to have a relationship with yourself before you can have a relationship with others!
We believe in understanding your needs, boundaries, and capacity for connection - because the most important relationship you'll ever have is the one with yourself.
Meet Your Guides:
Elliot Burgess - Individual therapist specializing in men's mental health and the foundational "I" work that transforms all relationships
Lottie Passell-Syms - Sex and intimacy specialist dedicated to couples therapy, helping partners navigate the "We" journey through deeper connection and authentic communication and better sex.
Fi Sclif - Individual therapy and growth coaching focusing on mindset, money, and marketing
What You'll Discover:
• How self-discovery leads to relationship mastery
• Lottie's proven couples therapy techniques for rebuilding intimacy and trust
• Practical tools for infidelity recovery, trauma healing, and authentic communication
• Insights into masculinity, femininity, and identity development
• Strategies for navigating divorce, dating after trauma, and co-parenting
• Real conversations about narcissistic abuse recovery and neurodiversity in relationships
Our Philosophy:
Inspired by Carl Rogers' wisdom: "When a client accepts themselves as they are, the curious paradox is that they then change." Whether you're working on yourself individually or as a couple, transformation starts within - heal your relationship with yourself, and watch every other relationship in your life flourish.
Content You Can Expect:
• Deep-dive conversations with mental health experts
• Individual growth episodes ("The I Series") with Elliot, Fi & Lottie
• Couples-focused content ("The We Series") with Lottie's expertise
• "I B4We Deep Dives" - All three tackling complex topics together
• Real stories of resilience and recovery
• Practical tools you can use immediately
Whether you're single and working on yourself, in a relationship needing guidance, or navigating life transitions, we're here as your collaborative guides, not distant experts, but fellow travelers who've walked these paths.
New episodes every two weeks “|” 26+ episodes available now!
Subscribe and join our community of people choosing accountability and growth!
https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange
Episodes
38 episodes
I Want YOU to Want to, hits different when you're a Therapist - Deep Dive (SEXLESS MARRIAGE)
Is your partner there, but not really there? That's the silence at the heart of a sexless marriage. In this Deep Dive, Lottie and Elliot unpack why one partner withdraws physically, and why the other's attempts to reconnect keep missing the mar...
The Sexless Marriage Talk Hits Different When You're A Therapist Deep Dive
What actually happens when sex disappears from a relationship, and why is it so hard to talk about? In this deep dive, therapist Lottie and Elliot go beyond the surface and into the real psychological dynamics behind sexless marriages: unresolv...
The Sexless Marriage Talk Hits Different When You're A Therapist
Join Elliot and Lottie on an honest walk | Cheating or sexless? When one partner takes sex off the table, what happens to the other? In this Walk & Talk, therapists Lottie and Elliot unpack one of the most painful dilemmas couples face — fo...
Can you separate with dignity? Here's how
We explore the nuanced process of conscious uncoupling, HOW TO LET GO respectfully, intentionally, and with growth at the core. Drawing from therapeutic insights, we uncover how deep self-awareness, empathy, and healthy boundaries transform sep...
Blindsided by Betrayal - Have you just found out about the affair?
Lottie and Elliot talk about being Blindsided by Betrayal: Navigating the Aftermath (We Talk Cheating): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0PR4-GNlDE&t=196sWe delve into the emotional turmoil in the relationships, and explore th...
This is how to rebuild the intimate act in a sexless relationship!
Welcome to The Paradox of Change - your couples therapy and relationship advice channel hosted by three experienced therapists. We believe there has to be an I before We.Struggling with trust issues, affair recovery, sexual rejection, o...
The BIGGEST Misconceptions About Open Relationships
Lottie Passell-Syms and Natalie Wanner explore the complexities of OPEN relationships, communication, and intimacy. They discuss the impact of past trauma on current relationships, the dynamics of low desire, and the importance of accountabilit...
Why Withholding Sex Destroys Relationships
Monogamy is a contract: friendship, intimacy and sex. When one stops, that contract gets broken. So what makes it acceptable to opt out of intimacy with your partner? In this raw and honest conversation, Elliot and Lottie Passell-Syms explore t...
Is This Your Discomfort or Mine? Navigating Disability Conversations POC-31
We have an honest talk with with Poppy Tiltman, who's here to share her perspective on disability without the usual sugar-coating. In this candid episode, Poppy makes one thing clear from the start: she doesn't want to be your inspiration, and ...
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The One Thing That Predicts Relationship Success
The secret to lasting love isn't about finding the perfect partner or mastering communication techniques. There's one fundamental question that predicts whether your relationship will thrive or fail: "Can I be me with you?" If you are searching...
Military Anxiety: From Crippling Dread to Helping Others Heal
Former Royal Navy Lieutenant Commander Jamie Leaper shares his powerful journey from military service to becoming a therapist - and why being part of the 20% of male counsellors is changing how men engage with mental health.In this h...
Are Men Okay?
Is there a Crisis in Masculinity? Elliot and James Penny from Flex Your Feelings podcast, tackle one of today's most controversial topics head-on!In this honest conversation, we explore:- Why modern men feel lost and confused...
Labiaplasty - When the pursuit of perfection becomes dangerous!
Labiaplasty & Ozempic : Understanding the Surge in Popularity... Our resident therapist and coach, Fi, interviews Ceira Robinson, from London's prestigious Mayfair cosmetic surgery scene. Might Like this? https://youtu.be/pK6vVHyeWcs?si=hEY...
Anorexia Survivor and Therapist Explains Signs and Help
How do we Understanding the Emotional Roots of Eating Disorders? You might like our other episode Infidelity https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gh-qO5lQg5U&t=1618sElliot and Lauren explore how these disorders manifest differently in at...
Communication and Dating and what to learn
Expert Advice On Intimacy, Sex & Relationships. We discuss everything from dating, to love bombing vs limerence to conscious uncoupling. You may like 'Do Happy People Cheat?': https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gh-qO5lQg5UA conversatio...
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Can a MONTH Without SEX Spark Romance Again? From Room Mates to Romance
From Room Mates to Romance... How can we rescue the SEX and INTIMACY from a potentially failing relationship and rekindle the spark we're looking for into something even better! What if no sex leads to infidelity (https://youtu.be/Gh-qO5lQg5U) ...
Do Happy People Cheat? Our resident sex and intimacy therapist shares all... Episode #023
Rethinking infidelity - part 2 ... Exploring the definitions, the dynamics of micro affairs, and the emotional and physical impacts on relationships. The thrill and dopamine effects associated with infidelity, link to Episode 1 https://www.yout...
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Modern Man: A Therapist's Guide to Modern Male Mental Health
The hidden crisis of male mental health in 2025. From workplace struggles to finding authentic connection, we uncover why so many men feel lost today. You might also like: &n...
Infidelity - The Many Faces of Affairs
📢 Episode 21: The Truth About Infidelity, Affairs, & Healing Relationships💔 Why do people cheat? How does limerence (obsessive attraction) impact relationships? Can couples repair trust after an affair? In this episode of The Parado...
From Courage to Confidence: Lessons from 2024 on Therapy, Coaching, and Growth
“Change doesn’t happen unless you make it happen.”In this special year-end episode of The Paradox of Change podcast, Elliot, Lottie, and Fi reflect on the transformative journey of 2024, sharing personal stories, professional breakthrou...
Surviving Christmas and New Year
This week Elliot and Geri explore the emotional challenges many face during the Christmas and New Year holidays, particularly focusing on grief, family dynamics, and the increase in domestic violence. The discussion highlights coping ...
Can We Be Friends With Our X Lovers?
This week, Elliot and Lottie explore the complexities of relationships, (can we be friends with ex lovers) focusing on themes of heartache, the importance of friendships, and the impact of childhood experiences on adult connections. They discus...
Men are losing their masculinity
This weeks episode, Rob Tearle shares his journey from being an engineer to becoming a therapist, highlighting the importance of addressing male mental health issues. He discusses the societal pressures on masculinity, the stigma surrounding th...
CONFLICT is growth trying to happen. Lets talk about defensiveness
SummaryElliot and Lottie delve into the complexities of relationships, focusing on defensiveness, communication, and the impact of generational trauma. They explore the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse as identified by John Gottman, d...
Why the F*CK would I talk about FEELINGS!
In this episode of 'The Paradox of Change', therapist Al shares his personal journey into the world of therapy, discussing the challenges he faced with anger, vulnerability, and the importance of building trust in therapeutic relationships. He ...
