The Paradox of Change - There has to be an I before We!
Welcome to The Paradox of Change, where three experienced therapists guide you through the essential truth:
I B4We - You have to have a relationship with yourself before you can have a relationship with others!
We believe in understanding your needs, boundaries, and capacity for connection - because the most important relationship you'll ever have is the one with yourself.
Meet Your Guides:
Elliot Burgess - Individual therapist specializing in men's mental health and the foundational "I" work that transforms all relationships
Lottie Passell-Syms - Sex and intimacy specialist dedicated to couples therapy, helping partners navigate the "We" journey through deeper connection and authentic communication and better sex.
Fi Sclif - Individual therapy and growth coaching focusing on mindset, money, and marketing
What You'll Discover:
• How self-discovery leads to relationship mastery
• Lottie's proven couples therapy techniques for rebuilding intimacy and trust
• Practical tools for infidelity recovery, trauma healing, and authentic communication
• Insights into masculinity, femininity, and identity development
• Strategies for navigating divorce, dating after trauma, and co-parenting
• Real conversations about narcissistic abuse recovery and neurodiversity in relationships
Our Philosophy:
Inspired by Carl Rogers' wisdom: "When a client accepts themselves as they are, the curious paradox is that they then change." Whether you're working on yourself individually or as a couple, transformation starts within - heal your relationship with yourself, and watch every other relationship in your life flourish.
Content You Can Expect:
• Deep-dive conversations with mental health experts
• Individual growth episodes ("The I Series") with Elliot, Fi & Lottie
• Couples-focused content ("The We Series") with Lottie's expertise
• "I B4We Deep Dives" - All three tackling complex topics together
• Real stories of resilience and recovery
• Practical tools you can use immediately
Whether you're single and working on yourself, in a relationship needing guidance, or navigating life transitions, we're here as your collaborative guides, not distant experts, but fellow travelers who've walked these paths.
New episodes every two weeks “|” 26+ episodes available now!
Subscribe and join our community of people choosing accountability and growth!
https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange
The Paradox of Change - There has to be an I before We!
The Sexless Marriage Talk Hits Different When You're A Therapist Deep Dive
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
What actually happens when sex disappears from a relationship, and why is it so hard to talk about? In this deep dive, therapist Lottie and Elliot go beyond the surface and into the real psychological dynamics behind sexless marriages: unresolved conflict, contempt, shame, and the moment a couple quietly becomes roommates.
This is the conversation most couples never have, until it's almost too late.
💬 Have you experienced this in your relationship? Drop your thoughts in the comments — we read every one.
Opening:
The reality of the sexless marriage epidemic
Physical touch & affection starvation
The clip: shame, criticism & "she's softer and kinder"
Why Sex Comes Off The Table:
Unresolved conflict, resentment & emotional disconnection
The Postage Stamp effect — grievances collecting over years
Sex as a Need vs. Choice:
The Male Experience:
Contempt & The Four Horsemen:
Gottman's framework:
The Path Back:
Rebuilding intimacy before sex
Family of Origin & Love Languages:
How childhood patterns resurface when limerence ends
The Real Damage:
The Vicious Circle
Criticism kills desire
📌 TIMESTAMPS
00:00 - The Reality of Sexless Relationships
00:39 - The Clip: Why He Really Left (And The Shame Behind It)
01:10 - Why Does Sex Come Off The Table?
02:02 - The Postage Stamp Effect: How Unresolved Grievances Kill Desire
04:49 - The Three Pillars: Friendship, Intimacy & Sex
05:08 - From Lovers to Roommates — Or Worse
06:19 - Is Sex Actually a Basic Human Need?
07:15 - The Unilateral Decision: When One Partner Shuts It Down
08:49 - The Male Experience: Rejection, ED & Giving Up
10:57 - Gottman's Four Horsemen & The Role of Contempt
12:11 - Why Sex Is The Glue of a Partnership
12:59 - How We Address Contempt in the Therapy Room
14:16 - Consent, The "Why" & Reclaiming Lost Desire
15:15 - The Path Back: Intimacy Before Sex
16:47 - Family of Origin & How It Shapes Your Sex Life
17:14 - When Love Languages Collide: The Hidden Mismatch
19:27 - The Real Damage: What Denied Intimacy Does to Men & Women
21:24 - The Impact on Women: Rejection, Self-Worth & Begging For Love
22:28 - Revisiting The Clip: Shame, Criticism & Mutual Withdrawal
23:47 - The Vicious Circle: How Lack of Desire Feeds Itself
💬 Are you or your partner struggling with intimacy or a sexless relationship? Drop your thoughts in the comments — we read every one.
🔔 Subscribe for our Walk & Talk episodes with real therapist perspectives on love, cheating, intimacy, and everything in between.
Follow us on:
🎙️ The Paradox of Change Podcast: https://theparadoxofchange.buzzsprout...
📲 Instagram/theparadoxofchange
📺 Linktree: https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange
📢 If you've experienced infidelity or are working through trust issues, let us know your thoughts in the comments! ⬇️
https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange
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💔 why did my girlfriend cheat?
💔 why did my partner cheat?
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Hosted by Lottie Passell-Syms (Sex & Intimacy Specialist), Elliot Burgess, and Fifi Sclif therapists who understand that healing starts within.
https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange
How to find us: https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange
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