The Paradox of Change - There has to be an I before We!
Welcome to The Paradox of Change, where three experienced therapists guide you through the essential truth:
I B4We - You have to have a relationship with yourself before you can have a relationship with others!
We believe in understanding your needs, boundaries, and capacity for connection - because the most important relationship you'll ever have is the one with yourself.
Meet Your Guides:
Elliot Burgess - Individual therapist specializing in men's mental health and the foundational "I" work that transforms all relationships
Lottie Passell-Syms - Sex and intimacy specialist dedicated to couples therapy, helping partners navigate the "We" journey through deeper connection and authentic communication and better sex.
Fi Sclif - Individual therapy and growth coaching focusing on mindset, money, and marketing
What You'll Discover:
• How self-discovery leads to relationship mastery
• Lottie's proven couples therapy techniques for rebuilding intimacy and trust
• Practical tools for infidelity recovery, trauma healing, and authentic communication
• Insights into masculinity, femininity, and identity development
• Strategies for navigating divorce, dating after trauma, and co-parenting
• Real conversations about narcissistic abuse recovery and neurodiversity in relationships
Our Philosophy:
Inspired by Carl Rogers' wisdom: "When a client accepts themselves as they are, the curious paradox is that they then change." Whether you're working on yourself individually or as a couple, transformation starts within - heal your relationship with yourself, and watch every other relationship in your life flourish.
Content You Can Expect:
• Deep-dive conversations with mental health experts
• Individual growth episodes ("The I Series") with Elliot, Fi & Lottie
• Couples-focused content ("The We Series") with Lottie's expertise
• "I B4We Deep Dives" - All three tackling complex topics together
• Real stories of resilience and recovery
• Practical tools you can use immediately
Whether you're single and working on yourself, in a relationship needing guidance, or navigating life transitions, we're here as your collaborative guides, not distant experts, but fellow travelers who've walked these paths.
New episodes every two weeks “|” 26+ episodes available now!
Subscribe and join our community of people choosing accountability and growth!
https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange
The Paradox of Change - There has to be an I before We!
The Sexless Marriage Talk Hits Different When You're A Therapist
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Join Elliot and Lottie on an honest walk | Cheating or sexless? When one partner takes sex off the table, what happens to the other? In this Walk & Talk, therapists Lottie and Elliot unpack one of the most painful dilemmas couples face — forced celibacy in a committed relationship, loosing limerence and why it so often leads to affairs.
We break down:
🔹 Why contempt and lack of communication destroy intimacy
🔹 The "Cup of Tea Syndrome" — how affairs really begin
🔹 Limerence vs love: the illusion that traps so many couples
🔹 Gottman's Four Horsemen and how they show up in your relationship
🔹 Why safety — not communication — is the real key to connection
🔹 The "Postage Stamp" effect: how years of unspoken resentment explode
🔹 Why men and women often define intimacy completely differently
💬 Have you experienced this in your relationship? Drop your thoughts in the comments — we read every one.
📌 TIMESTAMPS
0:00 – The clip that sparked the conversation
0:35 – Contempt and the breakdown of communication
2:36 – Gottman's Four Horsemen in action
5:10 – The "Cup of Tea Syndrome" — how affairs start
7:23 – What monogamy really asks of you
8:10 – When sex disappears after children
10:12 – Why sex is "oxygen" for connection
12:12 – Limerence: the love illusion
14:08 – "I'd leave, but everything else is perfect"
16:08 – How relationship roles get set in stone
19:40 – Phone reminders for intimacy?
21:10 – Safety is the key, not communication
25:27 – The "Postage Stamp" effect
28:20 – The disconnect: external vs internal qualities
🔔 Subscribe for our Walk & Talk episodes with real therapist perspectives on love, cheating, intimacy, and everything in between.
Recommended Videos:
TED Talk - A better way to talk about love | Mandy Len Catron : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMWYQRKuc5M
Esther Perel: / @estherperel
Follow us on:
🎙️ The Paradox of Change Podcast: https://theparadoxofchange.buzzsprout...
📲 Instagram: / theparadoxofchange
📺 Linktree: https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange
📢 If you've experienced infidelity or are working through trust issues, let us know your thoughts in the comments! ⬇️
https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange
💔 why did my boyfriend cheat?
💔 why did my girlfriend cheat?
💔 why did my partner cheat?
#sexlessmarriage #cheating #couplescoaching #relationshipadvice #affairrecovery #intimacy #limerence #marriageadvice #therapist #walkandtalk
Hosted by Lottie Passell-Syms (Sex & Intimacy Specialist), Elliot Burgess, and Fifi Sclif therapists who understand that healing starts within.
https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange
How to find us: https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange
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