.png)
The Paradox of Change - There has to be an I before We!
Welcome to The Paradox of Change, where three experienced therapists guide you through the essential truth:
I B4We - You have to have a relationship with yourself before you can have a relationship with others!
We believe in understanding your needs, boundaries, and capacity for connection - because the most important relationship you'll ever have is the one with yourself.
Meet Your Guides:
Elliot Burgess - Individual therapist specializing in men's mental health and the foundational "I" work that transforms all relationships
Lottie Passell-Syms - Sex and intimacy specialist dedicated to couples therapy, helping partners navigate the "We" journey through deeper connection and authentic communication and better sex.
Fi Sclif - Individual therapy and growth coaching focusing on mindset, money, and marketing
What You'll Discover:
• How self-discovery leads to relationship mastery
• Lottie's proven couples therapy techniques for rebuilding intimacy and trust
• Practical tools for infidelity recovery, trauma healing, and authentic communication
• Insights into masculinity, femininity, and identity development
• Strategies for navigating divorce, dating after trauma, and co-parenting
• Real conversations about narcissistic abuse recovery and neurodiversity in relationships
Our Philosophy:
Inspired by Carl Rogers' wisdom: "When a client accepts themselves as they are, the curious paradox is that they then change." Whether you're working on yourself individually or as a couple, transformation starts within - heal your relationship with yourself, and watch every other relationship in your life flourish.
Content You Can Expect:
• Deep-dive conversations with mental health experts
• Individual growth episodes ("The I Series") with Elliot, Fi & Lottie
• Couples-focused content ("The We Series") with Lottie's expertise
• "I B4We Deep Dives" - All three tackling complex topics together
• Real stories of resilience and recovery
• Practical tools you can use immediately
Whether you're single and working on yourself, in a relationship needing guidance, or navigating life transitions, we're here as your collaborative guides, not distant experts, but fellow travelers who've walked these paths.
New episodes every two weeks “|” 26+ episodes available now!
Subscribe and join our community of people choosing accountability and growth!
https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange
The Paradox of Change - There has to be an I before We!
The Comments That Stopped Us In Our Tracks | SEXLESS MARRIAGE POC47
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
You responded to our last few episodes about Sexless Relationships, in a way we didn't expect. Thousands of comments. Hundreds of stories. Some of them stopped us mid-session.This week, Elliot and Lottie sit down to read and respond to YOUR comments - the ones that were raw, unfiltered, and at times, devastating. Men who have been living in sexless marriages for 10, 20, even 30 years. Women reflecting on their own role in the breakdown. People asking the question they've never been able to ask out loud.We respond as therapists.
Honestly. Without judgment. In this episode:
- Why "you get what you tolerate" cuts deeper than it sounds
- The difference between guilt and shame in intimate rejection
- When infidelity becomes the conversation a couple never had
- What it means for a man when sex becomes a transaction
- How one person changing can shift the entire relationship dynamic
- The question that changes everything: "Who have I become in this relationship?"
This is not a blame episode. This is not a fix-your-partner episode. This is a real conversation about what happens to good people inside broken intimacy dynamics - and what the path forward actually looks like.Leave a comment below. We read every single one.Subscribe for new episodes every week. 3 Therapists. 1 Honest Conversation.Watch POC 46 - She Wants Everything But Gives Nothing:
THE PARADOX OF CHANGE
3 Therapists. 1 Honest Conversation.
We believe there has to be an I before the We.
Subscribe: https://www.youtube.com/ @theparadoxofchange
CHAPTERS
00:00 The Comments That Stopped Us
00:35 Why We're Reading Your Comments Live
01:51 "Men Need More Than Just Sex" - Mike's Comment
03:29 "She Made Me Feel Like a Sex Pest in My Own Marriage"
04:22 Guilt vs Shame - What's the Difference?
06:09 "I Lost Her and All My Friends in a Single Minute"
10:00 How to Set a Boundary Without Showing Weakness
12:16 "Never Forgive a Cheater" - Zero Tolerance vs Reality
14:31 When You Stop Wanting Sex With Your Own Partner
16:19 Dissolve or Evolve - Therapy as the Decision Point
17:55 "I Want Sex - But Not With You"
21:42 If She Takes Sex Off the Table, What Happens to Monogamy?
25:00 "The Sexless Is Literally Killing Me" - 30 Years
27:20 You Get What You Tolerate - Who Have You Become?
31:44 The Female Perspective - Trauma, Shame and Blockage
34:23 "Who Have I Become in This Relationship?"
36:43 Height, Self-Worth and the 5'7" Speech
39:32 "She Let Herself Go" - Is Physical Attraction an Excuse?
40:27 It Only Takes ONE Person to Change a Relationship
42:23 Subscribe and See You Next Episode
📝 Take the Relationship Assessment TEST: https://theparadoxofchange.com/Questi...
📖 Knowledge Article: https://theparadoxofchange.com/Knowledge
📌 Work with us:
Book a session: [https://theparadoxofchange.com/GetThe...]
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange
📱 Follow us:
Instagram: [ / theparadoxofchange ]
Podcast: [https://theparadoxofchange.buzzsprout...]
🤝 Sponsor: This episode is supported by www.ourbizz.com
🌐 Other ways to connect with us:
Book Therapy with Elliot, Lottie or Fi & Access Resources: https://theparadoxofchange.com
Listen to the Podcast: https://theparadoxofchange.buzzsprout...
Follow on Instagram: @theparadoxofchange
Explore All Links: https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange
#sexlessmarriage #relationshipadvice #couplestherapy
https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange
How to find us: https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange
Podcasts we love
Check out these other fine podcasts recommended by us, not an algorithm.
