The Relationship Podcast - There has to be an I before We!
Welcome to The Paradox of Change, where three experienced therapists guide you through the essential truth:
I B4We - You have to have a relationship with yourself before you can have a relationship with others!
We believe in understanding your needs, boundaries, and capacity for connection - because the most important relationship you'll ever have is the one with yourself.
Meet Your Guides:
Elliot Burgess - Individual therapist specializing in men's mental health and the foundational "I" work that transforms all relationships
Lottie Passell-Syms - Sex and intimacy specialist dedicated to couples therapy, helping partners navigate the "We" journey through deeper connection and authentic communication and better sex.
Fi Sclif - Individual therapy and growth coaching focusing on mindset, money, and marketing
What You'll Discover:
• How self-discovery leads to relationship mastery
• Lottie's proven couples therapy techniques for rebuilding intimacy and trust
• Practical tools for infidelity recovery, trauma healing, and authentic communication
• Insights into masculinity, femininity, and identity development
• Strategies for navigating divorce, dating after trauma, and co-parenting
• Real conversations about narcissistic abuse recovery and neurodiversity in relationships
Our Philosophy:
Inspired by Carl Rogers' wisdom: "When a client accepts themselves as they are, the curious paradox is that they then change." Whether you're working on yourself individually or as a couple, transformation starts within - heal your relationship with yourself, and watch every other relationship in your life flourish.
Content You Can Expect:
• Deep-dive conversations with mental health experts
• Individual growth episodes ("The I Series") with Elliot, Fi & Lottie
• Couples-focused content ("The We Series") with Lottie's expertise
• "I B4We Deep Dives" - All three tackling complex topics together
• Real stories of resilience and recovery
• Practical tools you can use immediately
Whether you're single and working on yourself, in a relationship needing guidance, or navigating life transitions, we're here as your collaborative guides, not distant experts, but fellow travelers who've walked these paths.
New episodes every two weeks “|” 26+ episodes available now!
Subscribe and join our community of people choosing accountability and growth!
https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange
The Relationship Podcast - There has to be an I before We!
CONFLICT is growth trying to happen. Lets talk about defensiveness
Summary
Elliot and Lottie delve into the complexities of relationships, focusing on defensiveness, communication, and the impact of generational trauma. They explore the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse as identified by John Gottman, discussing how defensiveness, stonewalling, criticism, and contempt can undermine relationships. The conversation emphasises the importance of empathy, vulnerability, and effective communication in fostering healthy connections. They also touch on the significance of understanding one's own emotional needs and the dynamics of intimacy in relationships.
Takeaways
Defensiveness often arises from fear of blame or shame.
Stonewalling is a response to feeling overwhelmed.
Criticism can stem from a parental mindset in relationships.
Generational trauma influences current relationship dynamics.
Conflict can be a sign of growth in a relationship.
Effective communication requires both speaking and listening.
Empathy is crucial for understanding partner's feelings.
Intimacy involves vulnerability and trust.
Men often seek respect to feel loved in relationships.
Emotional intelligence is essential for healthy relationships.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to the Podcast
00:59 Understanding Defensiveness in Relationships
06:07 The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
11:51 Exploring Generational Trauma
17:57 Conflict as Growth in Relationships
24:04 The Importance of Communication and Empathy
29:54 Intimacy and Vulnerability in Relationships
Get in Touch:
Lottie and couples Work: https://www.lottiepassellsyms.com/
Elliot: https://elliotburgess.co.uk/
How to find us: https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange
